“Hello,” said in a deep, guttural voice. “I am the AT&T TV router. Temporarily sitting on a little sailboat table/stool. I don’t want to be sitting on this table/stool. I am awaiting the Man of the House, who will be installing the new TV properly, instead of letting it sit on the floor like a large entertainment lump in the middle of the living room. Once he installs it in its proper hanging place, I can assume my proper place of dignity on the glass TV router shelf. Now go away and stop staring at me. I feel undignified.”