This is a post that is rather narrowly targeted to readers among my clients who would like me to complete a translation, editing or proofreading assignment, but the message could also be of use to anyone who needs someone to do something for them. Below are some very effective ways to NOT entice me to accept your project:
1. In your email to me, don't tell me anything about the file you need translated (or edited or proofread), like what you need me to do, what the language pair is, how many words the file has, when the deadline is, and what the subject matter is. Obviously, it's a rare and inexperienced person who doesn't include any information about the assignment, but it has happened.
2. Tell me everything you think I need to know about the project EXCEPT the number of words and/or the total time it will take. Let me guess.
3. Send me the email about the assignment at a certain time, with the estimated number of hours needed to complete it, and with a deadline that means that I actually have one or more hours LESS than the estimated time needed. In other words, make it a requirement of the project that I be able to teleport myself back in time by an hour or more. By the way, teleportation back in time adds a surcharge of $1000 to any project. And if you want me to return to the current time when I finish the project, that will incur a sur-surcharge of $2000.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, send me the source file for the project until AFTER I email you back regarding whether I can accept it or not. I hate being able to review files before accepting or declining assignments, since I love not having any idea what subject area I will be working in. Especially if it's a legal file, since translating (and editing and proofreading) documents in the legal subject area is my FAVORITE (not).
5. Be the project coordinator among my clients who always forgets to issue and send me a work order for the assignment. And when I contact you a while later to remind you to send it to me so that I can invoice it, ignore my email. Make me send more reminder emails and make me CC your boss or the owner of the company so they can see what a bad project coordinator you are. Make me vow to never accept another assignment from you again because you assume I love working for free.
6. Include me in a BCC list of linguist emails so that I know how much you do NOT value the quality of my work. Any one of the hundreds of linguists you are emailing could do this assignment - you are so desperate that your only concern is that they are breathing and have the language pair you are looking for in their profile.
7. And here's the most important tip of all: Do NOT, under any circumstances, learn how to do your job in an organized, efficient manner. Make sure you do NOT contact me to edit or proofread a translation until after you have received the translated file. Then send me a "super urgent" email asking if I can edit or proofread a translation NOW. Since you are imagining me sitting around eating bon-bons and watching stupid sit-coms - there is no way on earth I could actually be working right now - just assume that of course I will put down my half-bitten bon-bon, pause the stupid sit-com, and accept your editing or proofreading request immediately. After all, since you don't plan ahead and schedule every stage of your project in advance, why would I not work the same way? Who ever heard of scheduling their work/projects as soon as they are confirmed? Organization/schmorganization. Who needs it?